I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
