Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
