You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
