I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
