I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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