I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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