You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
