He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
