Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
