Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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