dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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