so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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