id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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