my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
