I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
