just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
