How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
