I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
