I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize