uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
