Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
