We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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