my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
