This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
