that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love having hate sex.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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