Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
