Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
