am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
