My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
