yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
