that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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