i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize