Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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