So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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