Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
