I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
