My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
