I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
