That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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