What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize