Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
