I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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