So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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