she was so not down for the gang bang
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
