How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
