Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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