I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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