Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
