why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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