Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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