She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
