she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize