Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
