Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize