You're completely useless in the revolution.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
