I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
