I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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