What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
false alarm, still single
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
