Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
