dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize