He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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