Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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