you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
