lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
