not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
