I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
