Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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