I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
