Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
